For some people – especially those who have been single for long – there’s a nagging fear that’s always gnawing at them whenever they get into a relationship.
These (mostly) unfounded fears eventually leads to the inevitable end of the relationship.
What are those fears that have the potential to ruin your relationship?
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Fear of getting hurt: You tell yourself: ‘People will take advantage of me if I let my guard down…’ This is when you avoid getting close to others because you fear they will hurt you in the long run.
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Fear of rejection: You tell yourself: ‘If I’m not perfect I’ll be rejected…’ If you’re always afraid of rejection and hide your true self, this may stop people from getting too close to you or knowing the real you.
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Fear of not having the perfect person: You tell yourself: ‘I’ll never get the love I want…’ Sure, some expectations in a relationship are fine, but you should never go into one with a long list of must-haves. If you do, it lead you to become angry or frustrated if they find partners who don’t meet their expectations.
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Fear of upsetting others: You tell yourself: ‘If I don’t tolerate criticism or abuse I’ll be alone…’ Not only is this an unhealthy way to maintain a relationship, but you may let people take advantage of you.
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Letting your emotions get the best of you: You tell yourself: ‘I’ll never have someone who understands me/connects with me emotionally…’ This is when you don’t share your vulnerabilities with others, because you’re worried about how they would respond. You become angry and demanding when you don’t get what you need.
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Fear of coming out of your shell: You tell yourself: ‘If people really knew me they would reject me…’ Some people may hide who they really are — their beliefs, thoughts, dreams — from others because they fear rejection for being themselves. Because of that, you end up presenting only a superficial face to the world instead of allowing anyone to dig deeper.
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Fear of betrayal: You tell yourself: ‘I can’t be vulnerable with another person because they will use it against me…’ If you’re constantly on guard for any sign of betrayal, you may lash out at others as a way to protect yourself, thereby driving them away.
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You have a list of needs: You tell yourself: ‘I’ll never get what I need from another person…’ When you have a long list of needs, you avoid relationships because you never feel like you’ll find someone who will fulfill these needs. You then resent others because you aren’t getting the love and understanding that you need.
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Fear of loneliness: You tell yourself: ‘I avoid relationships because ultimately I’ll be left alone…’ Some people may focus their time and energy on work and/or extracurricular activities so they keep themselves busy. By so doing, they ruin their chances of ever getting into a relationship.
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Fear of criticism: You tell yourself: ‘I’ll never measure up to others…’ You allow others to criticize you or minimize your accomplishments. Or, you overachieve to avoid criticism of others.
